Relationships

Integrity of Feelings

Bhanu31 Comments

Love and Breakup

I fell in love with you in my teens and you were the most amazing girl in my life. We were together for a decade and it meant the world to me. You promised to be in my life forever, but that forever happened to be finite. Life happened, you moved to some other country with your family and love did not thrive. You chose to leave me for my own good. You broke up with me.

Love after Breakup and Breakup after Love

I was doomed after my previous experience and never thought that I will ever experience another love in my life. I was a fallen flower, you chose to pluck me in your hair. You were beautiful and sane. Days flew by and love grew stronger. I had to chose between you and my career, your sanity said I should go with career. So much did I engrossed myself in work, that there was no space for love. You came by when I was dying and you embarked life in me. You left me with life, to break me into pieces.

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Marriage and Divorce

I was a broken glass. We were tied with the bond of marriage and you chose me to be your partner. You were not aware of my pain inside and all you know was that you liked me. I did like you as well, but little did I know that you were a shattered glass on your own. I cannot do any less for your pain, but I can be your companion in this journey. I chose you for I did not have any option and you chose me for you did not have any option. This was merely an agreement to mend our broken pieces and stitch in the plain of time. Time flew by and nothing essentially changed. We decided for good or bad, it was meant to end. You went your way and I went my way.

Marriage after Divorce and Divorce after Marriage

I was waiting on the banks of river, when I heard a song of love. You were lamenting the lose of your love, echoing my feelings. I sang along with you and we felt that we were meant to be. This story was going to be forever, but life is not just a song. Every day when you sung, different song, I couldn’t catch up with the rhythm. You felt I deemed the love we had and you chose to sing in a different tone. The song fell apart and so did the Marriage. You left the nest and so did the songs.

Integrity – The feelings which are spreading like water and being drunk like wine, they are being purposefully thrown into dustbins to forego of previous pain. I cannot stop wonder, where is that integrity, which was once boasted of strongly and have we come far from what it used to be, that the repair cannot be done. Are we trying to copy the culture in the middle of nowhere, only to realize that we were high with alcohol and next is just a hangover.

Are we ready for Divorces?

31 thoughts on “Integrity of Feelings”

  1. I think divorce is better than walking with a dead relationship. In fact, I also think divorce is irrelevant to arrange or love marriage ( excluding the case of forced marriage). It just means, “It’s over”. It’s rude but true.

    Enjoyed the post. The way, you describe every phases of drinking alcohol and finally the hangover, is really heart touching. But, the dilemma is we love to drink that alcohol again and again.

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    • Yes, I wonder and wonder as to what it takes to be there and how it feels.

      The more I meet folks who have been divorced, the more Stern I become to spread the message of love and companionship.

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  3. Marriage vows should be taken seriously. I feel once you decide to marry a person it should be for life. Like you nurture a plant to grow strong, similarly a marriage needs looking after. Some change and that’s the sad part of life.

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    • Many of them feel that sometimes marriage doesn’t work the way they thought it would and they end up being sad or feel bitterness all the time, what do you think is divorce the best way out there ?

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      • When all else fails divorce can be an answer, but only as a last resort. My feelings are: one has to build up a relationship, and work truly hard at it specially when children are involved — their future is at stake.

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  4. Hi Bhanu,

    I made it here from your comment on my blog (thanks for commenting). The link you put on didn’t work, but after looking around I found my way to this post.

    I just wanted to put in my thoughts on the difference between marriage for love and arranged marriages as described here.

    Where I live (Canada) arranged marriages aren’t common. And I can definitely see where they could be problematic – if the two people have nothing in common and have no desire to be together.

    But…

    I do think that even in an arranged marriage, if people approach it with the intention of learning about each other, and respecting and caring for each other then a strong bond and a great love can develop.

    Marriages for “love” often fail, because people don’t really know what love is. Love isn’t just feelings, it’s actions, and it’s intention (to me anyhow). Often people who believe they are looking for love are really just looking for the strong feelings of new love. Over time those will fade, and if someone is looking for the feeling of being “in love” they are often disappointed by the relationship over time.

    Intention matters, and commitment matters. All relationships will have struggles, and it’s how well you come together and choose to overcome those struggles as a couple (instead of splitting apart) that determines any success. And I think that applies whether the relationship started with love or by being arranged.

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    • Thank you ZombieDrew for your detailed views. I am sure, nothing else could be summarized about relationships in such short words. I went through lot of posts by you and all of them reflect the thoughts I have in some way or the other. I have added you in my favorite list(only the first) to read them all in my leisure.

      People are different and they have different psychological, emotional and moral values. It is in the choices that one makes as to who will be their life partner, that determines what comes next. Rest is all life I believe. Some people fight through circumstances while a lot of them live through them.

      Thank you for visiting back 🙂

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  5. This hit me. I’m suffering with a situation at home and only yesterday I openly told my parents to get a divorce. With love marriages it is different, but I feel like most arranged marriages don’t work. Since that is my future,I’m contemplating not marrying at all, and I realise that’s pretty sad.

    We are ready for divorces, just the people in question must realise it and accept it.

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    • That is one strong step. Thanks for your input, I wanted to see what the world has to say and your thoughts make me wonder too. There will be a next post soon.

      Yes your choices and decisions must be based on a clarity and not on some experiences. Check 3 short stories.

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      • Two people marry with consent because they like each other. There is mostly the chance that they will be content with their relationship. Arranged marriage includes two people who are almost literally strangers committing to each other for life. Who knows if it will really work out happy or will they just try to move around and work with it?

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      • Content is merely not a feeling that arises because of what is on the outside, I believe it mostly comes from what is on the inside. We have come far from where it was easy to be content.

        Marriage is a bondage between two individuals, whether arranged or love, it will always be known only after you start living together, what’s going to come next.

        No body knows the future.

        Your questions are worth pondering about, introspect and contemplate, but they mustn’t be the base of some decisions.

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      • Exactly my point. I’m too young yet. I can question, ask, ponder, observe from around and realise things. By the time I reach that age when I have to make those decisions, I will be more ready for what’s to come. Instead of rejecting anything, I will take the time to get to know the person, at least to an extent. I am now figuring out what to look for in a relationship when you are limited in meetings.

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      • Yes, there is a challenge with arranged marriages to figure out and to know a person. It all started when I was around your arrange and I am quite not sure if there is any way. You may find out a lot about a person by asking and spending some time, but that some time does not comprises all the ups and downs of life and you cannot know how you and the other person will deal with all of those.

        So instead, as the days go by, enjoy everything that comes into your plate. You must know who you are and what makes you. The choices you make must be based on what you believe and understand and not on some experiences. As I say always you will figure that out. Don’t let some moments define you. Don’t let some bitterness enter you.

        If you stand by your name, you will find that their is some iridescence in the person you meet and that person will whom you will choose.

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      • If you keep in mind and apply to your heart, you will figure out soon that there is some magic in this world and it is so wonderful to be born as a human.

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