Why marriages are difficult


He : Hi, where are you?
She : I am at my parents home.
He : What happened ? Why you went there ?
She : I am fed up now. I cannot take it any more. I am going to be at my parents place for a while. I will come back later.

This is a small conversation between a recently married couple. It’s been 6 months since their marriage and situation is getting bitter every day for the girl.

Here is some background.

Boy

He is studious, dedicated and oriented towards life. He has never been involved with girls. He was raised almost as a single child as his elder sister was married, when he was very young. He got job and got married when he was 28. When he was looking for a girl in arrange marriage, he was also looking for that spark and hope in girl who would be jovial and happy going in life. He got one and he got married to her. She was 22.

Girl

She has been brought up her parents very lovingly and caringly as all parents do. They would never say anything to her. She completed her graduation and was pursuing bachelors in law. She found the guy to be decent and educated, with some content. She had hope that things would be beautiful ahead. She was very caring and aligned to his husband’s wishes.

Boy’s Mother

She is timid. She is the usual 1960’s parents for whom the child is always child, even if they have a kids. She would always instruct him to study, even when he was doing his Master’s in Technology. He was a lecturer in college, yet for her he was yet to grow. He never lived out of his city, neither did his parents. Their whole life has been in the same city and around similar people

Together

When they all were living together, the mother as usual would try to instruct them in every little thing in life from food, habits, sleep, cleanliness, timings, events, traditions, rituals and so on. She wants to care for them, but it feels like a bondage. The girl, cooks for them and tries to nurture, but when she gets to hear something from her in laws she feels sad. This goes on. The guy tries to console her, explain her and make her understand. Sometimes she understands, sometimes she feels just sad. Slowly she doesn’t tell him much.

Sometimes things get heated up and the argument goes haywire. All this was creating bitterness in her and she continued to feel upset. Hence she left to take a break. She went to her parents, where she felt alive and free.

What went wrong!

This is usual in middle-class families in India. This happens because the framework of life is different for 2 families. Their habits, attitude and outlook are different. The framework of mother was completely orthodox and living in a different age with different mindset then the present age. He wanted a progressive life and he wanted to live a modern lifestyle with open mindset, so he chose such a girl. But he couldn’t balance it. Because human heart is fragile and far more so is the woman’s heart.

7 thoughts on “Why marriages are difficult

  1. It s very difficult to find a compatible person for each othr n if u have found one please
    dont loose him or her for all such small issues.
    Breaking up is very easy n building the same is difficult.
    with time one will learn to ignore certain things n one day these little big issues won’t be issue anymore.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It is not so simple to live without in-laws. Since the boy in this case, is staying and working in the same city as his parents and he has bought a new home where they are staying with some loan, he cannot afford to go stay in a separate house, which would emotionally, financially and psychologically over-burdening. Then the problems would only multiply !

      Like

      • If that’s the case, I just hope they’ll get along well. Living separate from the inlaws is an ideal type to start a whole new phase of marriage, but just what you have stated the reason, then I hope everything will be fine.

        Liked by 1 person

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