Why marriages are difficult

He : Hi, where are you?
She : I am at my parents home.
He : What happened ? Why you went there ?
She : I am fed up now. I cannot take it any more. I am going to be at my parents place for a while. I will come back later.

This is a small conversation between a recently married couple. It’s been 6 months since their marriage and situation is getting bitter every day for the girl.

Here is some background.

Boy

He is studious, dedicated and oriented towards life. He has never been involved with girls. He was raised almost as a single child as his elder sister was married, when he was very young. He got job and got married when he was 28. When he was looking for a girl in arrange marriage, he was also looking for that spark and hope in girl who would be jovial and happy going in life. He got one and he got married to her. She was 22.

Girl

She has been brought up her parents very lovingly and caringly as all parents do. They would never say anything to her. She completed her graduation and was pursuing bachelors in law. She found the guy to be decent and educated, with some content. She had hope that things would be beautiful ahead. She was very caring and aligned to his husband’s wishes.

Boy’s Mother

She is timid. She is the usual 1960’s parents for whom the child is always child, even if they have a kids. She would always instruct him to study, even when he was doing his Master’s in Technology. He was a lecturer in college, yet for her he was yet to grow. He never lived out of his city, neither did his parents. Their whole life has been in the same city and around similar people

Together

When they all were living together, the mother as usual would try to instruct them in every little thing in life from food, habits, sleep, cleanliness, timings, events, traditions, rituals and so on. She wants to care for them, but it feels like a bondage. The girl, cooks for them and tries to nurture, but when she gets to hear something from her in laws she feels sad. This goes on. The guy tries to console her, explain her and make her understand. Sometimes she understands, sometimes she feels just sad. Slowly she doesn’t tell him much.

Sometimes things get heated up and the argument goes haywire. All this was creating bitterness in her and she continued to feel upset. Hence she left to take a break. She went to her parents, where she felt alive and free.

What went wrong!

This is usual in middle-class families in India. This happens because the framework of life is different for 2 families. Their habits, attitude and outlook are different. The framework of mother was completely orthodox and living in a different age with different mindset then the present age. He wanted a progressive life and he wanted to live a modern lifestyle with open mindset, so he chose such a girl. But he couldn’t balance it. Because human heart is fragile and far more so is the woman’s heart.

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The dynamics of City Life

If you are staying away from home – this one is for you.

You miss your home. You miss your Mom. You miss your family. More importantly you miss yourself.

Everyone is different. Each one has their own experience. But this is for the migratory birds.

If you were born in town or village and you have been brought up in a different shade of life. You had your discipline and your beliefs.

Everything you knew, here on goes into the gutter.

If you don’t like to smoke – then you are missing out on all the fun.

If you don’t like to drink – then you are missing out on all the fun.

If you don’t have a relationship – then you are missing out on all the fun.

If you are not doing something you have never done – then you are missing out on all the fun.

You got to have fun, even if it means that you do something you didn’t want to do in the first place.

Fair amount of girls and boys in the modern Indian, live away from home for study and job. They live among people from around the country who carry different notions and thoughts about life.

If a group of boys stay in a flat, then every weekend it must be about having alcohol or watching obscene movies.

If a group of girls stay in a flat, then every weekend it must be about shopping or partying or meeting boyfriend.

If you are none of the above, then you are the most boring person on earth !

If your roommates, go meet their boyfriends or if their boyfriends come home to meet and they enjoy, what are you supposed to do ?

The curious case of many young people nowadays is to fit in the status quo! Even if you don’t understand or like the TV series, you need to watch it, because a lot of them watch it.

It’s become a life driven by the choices and demands of other where you don’t have a unique and strong stand for your own choices and beliefs. You have to face at every walk of life, for your food choices, fashion, thought process, you likes and dislikes about every single thing from movies, music, sports to food and so on is driven by the trend and the status quo.

If you don’t walk along or beside, you will be crushed. You will live a life of confusion and suffering.

To liberate yourself from all the sufferings you must know thyself well. You must love yourself for who you are. You must strengthen your skills and invoke a sense of achievement and honor in yourself and your actions. You must develop rituals.

By performing actions based your choices and performing them well, you will gain confidence in who you are and love yourself for what you are, by which you can face the challenges of life and the trend, so you can set a foot in the shore and make a mark. You leave your footprints for others to follow. You create an impact that lasts. You stop existing and start living.

To Life.

Fear of the Second First Time

First Time

It has been of a common acceptance that many of us feel the fear of unknown. This has been rooted in our feelings and brain since the time we used to live in caves. Every time we are to face something for the first time, there is some kind of mixed feelings building inside of your stomach and your head. You feel a little bit of excitement and a little bit of apprehension. There are multiple feelings melting in your mouth at the same time and you do not quite know which one is intense than the other.

This is how we feel when we have to travel first time in a flight. You encounter similar kind of feelings before your first job. When you go to a new city out of your home for the first time, there are mixed feelings of nostalgia, freedom, challenges and responsibility floating on top your head and eyes. You experience even stronger and wider feelings when you are about to get married. This is how we humans are. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the first time. Fear of something new.

Many argue that the fear they have is because they haven’t quite experienced it before. They have never come across such a situation, hence they cannot deal with it. They can learn from it and next time onward they will be good. Well I see people having even more confusion for the second first time.

* * * *

Second First Time

What is this Second First Time ?

Scenario 1 : You have lived in your house for 2 decades and you have to live the house (HOME) because of some reason. When you move to a new place, new home, you start comparing it with the previous house. You cannot quite accept the good things about the new house and you are start all the memories of the old house, which is yet your favorite one.

Check the Inside Out Trailer here ©Disney Pixar

Scenario 2 : You have been using your mobile for 5 years now and you happen to break/lose it somehow. You buy a new mobile and you start comparing every single feature with the previous one. You do not like the camera on the new mobile. There are a lot of things you do not like about it.

Mobile
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Scenario 3 : You love have been in love with a boy for a long time. Your relationship was an example in your friend circles. You both were spoken of as meant to be for each other. However situations forbid you to be together for the rest of your live. You experience lot of pain and life happens all along. You fall in love with a man of your choice and when you start living together, you compare him with your previous boyfriend. You don’t know what is reality and what is fake.

Scenario 4 : You are happily married with princess of your dreams. You were deeply in love with her beauty and looks. But somehow things went bitter between you two. You decided to let her go. You find someone with a lesser charm but more serenity. You marry the person for forgetting your previous experience and being with someone. But somehow every time you end up thinking about your previous marriage and compare your new wife with the previous one. You wonder if you ever should have married. You don’t know if you are true to yourself or faking a life.

Scenario 5 : You were the topper of your college. You got A in all your academics. You were destined to get the best job in campus. You cleared all the rounds of interview, however when the offer letter was released, you were told that there is only internship available at that point of time. You were aghast. You decided to let go of it. You were broken and sad. It was your dream job. As you go through the next semester, you already have 3 jobs in your pocket. One day you get a mail from previous employer, that there is a new job opportunity and they would like to take you into consideration for the position. You go for it. But every moment you compare it with your previous experience and you wonder what is this all about.


  • Life presents you with different challenges.
  • Your job is to deal with each one in the best way you can.
  • Do not live in the past.
  • Do not force yourself with troubles.
  • Keep a stable mind when you take decisions.
  • You must choose wisely and be then ready for whatever comes next.
  • Everyone lives by a logic, you must verify if yours is valid.
  • Be true to yourself.
  • Do not fake.
  • Everything else is just part of life and luck.