Fear of the Second First Time

First Time

It has been of a common acceptance that many of us feel the fear of unknown. This has been rooted in our feelings and brain since the time we used to live in caves. Every time we are to face something for the first time, there is some kind of mixed feelings building inside of your stomach and your head. You feel a little bit of excitement and a little bit of apprehension. There are multiple feelings melting in your mouth at the same time and you do not quite know which one is intense than the other.

This is how we feel when we have to travel first time in a flight. You encounter similar kind of feelings before your first job. When you go to a new city out of your home for the first time, there are mixed feelings of nostalgia, freedom, challenges and responsibility floating on top your head and eyes. You experience even stronger and wider feelings when you are about to get married. This is how we humans are. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the first time. Fear of something new.

Many argue that the fear they have is because they haven’t quite experienced it before. They have never come across such a situation, hence they cannot deal with it. They can learn from it and next time onward they will be good. Well I see people having even more confusion for the second first time.

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Second First Time

What is this Second First Time ?

Scenario 1 : You have lived in your house for 2 decades and you have to live the house (HOME) because of some reason. When you move to a new place, new home, you start comparing it with the previous house. You cannot quite accept the good things about the new house and you are start all the memories of the old house, which is yet your favorite one.

Check the Inside Out Trailer here ©Disney Pixar

Scenario 2 : You have been using your mobile for 5 years now and you happen to break/lose it somehow. You buy a new mobile and you start comparing every single feature with the previous one. You do not like the camera on the new mobile. There are a lot of things you do not like about it.

Mobile
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Scenario 3 : You love have been in love with a boy for a long time. Your relationship was an example in your friend circles. You both were spoken of as meant to be for each other. However situations forbid you to be together for the rest of your live. You experience lot of pain and life happens all along. You fall in love with a man of your choice and when you start living together, you compare him with your previous boyfriend. You don’t know what is reality and what is fake.

Scenario 4 : You are happily married with princess of your dreams. You were deeply in love with her beauty and looks. But somehow things went bitter between you two. You decided to let her go. You find someone with a lesser charm but more serenity. You marry the person for forgetting your previous experience and being with someone. But somehow every time you end up thinking about your previous marriage and compare your new wife with the previous one. You wonder if you ever should have married. You don’t know if you are true to yourself or faking a life.

Scenario 5 : You were the topper of your college. You got A in all your academics. You were destined to get the best job in campus. You cleared all the rounds of interview, however when the offer letter was released, you were told that there is only internship available at that point of time. You were aghast. You decided to let go of it. You were broken and sad. It was your dream job. As you go through the next semester, you already have 3 jobs in your pocket. One day you get a mail from previous employer, that there is a new job opportunity and they would like to take you into consideration for the position. You go for it. But every moment you compare it with your previous experience and you wonder what is this all about.


  • Life presents you with different challenges.
  • Your job is to deal with each one in the best way you can.
  • Do not live in the past.
  • Do not force yourself with troubles.
  • Keep a stable mind when you take decisions.
  • You must choose wisely and be then ready for whatever comes next.
  • Everyone lives by a logic, you must verify if yours is valid.
  • Be true to yourself.
  • Do not fake.
  • Everything else is just part of life and luck.

 

Man placing tiles one over another

Tangibles

Why does it happen that right before you are going to sleep, all the troubles and worries in life, flash before you. Every little thing that seem to be alright the whole day suddenly start to bring down your hopes and you lose your sleep. You can’t sleep easily and this becomes your bedtime habit. Does this sound like you ? Do you describe yourself as Insomniac or Night Owl. Does the reason of you being a night owl is your thoughts haunting you at night. Well if any of this sounds relevant to you and if by some reason you are not able to break this cycle, here are some tips how you can stop this never ending pain in the eyes.

First of all, you would need to identify if your problem is a tangible one. When asked about what is bothering you, are you able to paraphrase the problem. Do you have one single problem or lot of tiny little thoughts. Sit down on a calm day early in the morning and have a look into your life. After all its your life. Jot down every little thing that comes to your mind, positive and not so positive things in your life.

Try to write more positive things in large font size and very negative things in dark fashion. Once done, take a break for coffee or tea or whatever that you like in the morning. Come back and have a look at the note. Does all of them seem at the right place with right intensity. Make sure you do this only in the morning, we don’t want any deep thoughts to be taken up at night. If all of them seem to be at right place, try to scratch off some things that are not tangible, which are not real but just in your head. Those imaginations and thoughts that are a production of your mind and do not exist in reality.

Most of the times all the troubles in life are nothing but your head posing a limitation for self. You just have to brush a little and shake your head, you start to see a new world. When you are ready with the real problem in life, like  buying a home, bike or any utility, anything that is tangible, make a road map of how you can achieve it, what you can do for it and by when you want to do it. Once done, keep following your roadmap closely and one day you will be there. Some tangible items will be negative as well, like serious medical issue or financial crisis. May be everything seems coming down on you. Its hard I know, but you got to do what’s necessary. Pondering over the problem for long time wouldn’t solve it. It is better to solve the problem itself by actual efforts towards closure.

Stop wondering about your problems every night. Wake up in the morning with a smile and new zeal to solve your real problems in life. Make a step at a time and eat a bite at a time. Move on with something that is not necessary and grab on tight for things that are necessary in your life. Be brave and courageous. All the very best.

Don’t live in the hope for better tomorrow

Did you give up on watching your favorite cartoon series to study for your exam ?

Did you give up playing with your friends in the playground, to prepare for your board exams ?

Were you told that, you just have to study for one year and get good marks and your life will be better from then onwards ?

Were you happy that you scored good marks and got into top schools, just to realize that you had to work 2 more years with even more focus and dedication, giving up on all your favourite hobbies and interests ?

Were you also told that if you have to make it big to the Forbes list, you will have to prepare for the entrance exams that meant more classes, notes, books and tests ?

Were you happy to knock it down and make it big to the list of your state toppers ?

Were you happy to join a top college only to realize that you are no more a kid and you lost your child hood and everyday from then is just a struggle to get a job ? It wouldn’t have mattered if you would have got some less marks and managed to cherise your childhood !

Were you happy to give semester exams, prepare presentations, books that weighed a kg and be confused about what to do next ?

Were you told that you just have to complete your college and not be distracted by OG (opposite gender), so that you get a better job and your life is settled ?

Did you make it big and manage to get a job in one of the top companies, only to realize that you lost your adolescent into books ?

What are you doing at work different from what you started from ? Are you from those 0.1 % for whom this path works wonders and they discover what they are destined for or are you from the other kind who are not sure if they want to continue studying to make it even bigger by studying heavier books (Masters)?

Are you of those kind, who realize that work is not good enough and they got to make their own company ?

Are you of the kind working silently and being content with your work, only to realize that the life that was promised to you never existed and you have been working for something that was not meant to be, at the same time losing something that was in your control.

Are you then told to listen one last time to marry the person they chose ?

Are you going to listen to them ?

Are you going to believe that there is a better tomorrow and in the hope of that tomorrow, you sacrifice your today ?

Will you be living a life of compromises and sacrifices only to realize that there is no place further, for which you have been sacrificing all your life ?

What do you get back for paying such a heavy price ?

Will you continue to live in tomorrow that never existed ?