She calls her friend to tell about the recent on/offs in her life. She has been talking to a guy lately and she likes him a lot. They met at a matrimonial site and happen to visit at a meeting with parents. It all went fine but the guys mother didn’t like the girl. So they decided to call it off. However for whatever reason, the boy was in touch with her and they happened to have lot of talks. They met few times.
He had spoken to his mother a lot of times, however she never agreed. She didn’t like the looks of the girl. For quite some times things were grey and eventually their discussions were cut short. They were not talking anymore. The girl was sad and confused. She wanted him. She liked him very much but his Mom was never to approve.
She was looking for other guys on her parents orders but she never liked any. She was always looking for him in every guy she met. As she was not talking to him much, it made her sad and weak. She knew it was not working and there was nothing that made her feel hopeful. She decided to tone down her emotions for him. She started to go along in her life and think less about him. She decided to move on or make an attempt to move on.
And then after few weeks, he calls her and they talk. Every time she talks with him, she knows that she is the weak one. She wants him in her life. He made her feel special. He told her that he was making an attempt to convince his mother and meanwhile if she found someone else, she was free to choose so.
The only question that kept her awake all night was –
Should she wait for him or stick to her decision of moving on and forgetting him from her life?
He was in love with a girl during college. She used to be in constant contact with him but she never expressed her deepest emotions for him. She always feared her family. During the final year of college, he confessed his feelings for her and asked her what she felt and what she wanted. She told him that her elder sister had once experience similar kind of love and at that time her parents didn’t agree. Her sister had to go through lot of trouble and fights. She didn’t want to repeat it. She told him it would never work.
He was sad. It was the worst phase of his life. After college he was working in a job that kept him occupied for most of time. He was broken at heart. He couldn’t forget her. He took to literature and arts. He started reading a lot of books and novels. He started blogging and interacting with lot of new people. He was enjoying the drift in his life and everything seemed to be in good shape.
Meanwhile the girl lost her father, who was suffering from cancer and she was going through tough times. He met her at the funeral and took part in all the ceremonies. He was a moral support to her.
Few months after the incident, she spoke to her mother about him and that she liked him since college. Her mother considered him to be a good guy and she gave her permission if they both were going on well.
He was working in a different city now. He did not have any more romantic feelings for her. He cared for and wished good for her but deep down in his heart he knew he didn’t have any feelings for her. He told her about it, however she wanted to be with him as long as it can be. They were in touch over calls and chat. They met once in a while.
He wanted her to forget him and continue to move on in her life and let him continue to be the way he was. There was no place for her in his Heart as a love partner.
Things they don’t tell about marriages, especially in a country like India, where marriages are a big deal of time, pomp, custom and gathering. They might tell you, but you might be in a different mode of life altogether so it just slips by. Here are few things that particularly happens in a marriage setup like in India. You must read – Mutual Funds are subject to market risk, please read the document carefully before investing.
Thus is the case with marriage, you must think before making a life time commitment. Here are few glimpses :
Life is not same anymore !
Your food habits and timings, now entirely depend on a new family(if you are a girl) and you ought to arrange yourself to the lifestyle of your in-laws. You have to remember to inform your spouse about your whereabouts and missing the food at home, in case of any(if you are a boy).
In a normal arranged marriage, the girl goes to live with the boy’s family (which eventually becomes her own) which sometimes is a joint family with around 20+ members under the same roof. In such marriage, life is eventful if you look at it one way, the cheerful way. However if you are going through one such life, then you would say, at least in the first couple of years, it’s stressful, upaetting, frustrating and tiring. You might cry under a pillow some nights. It’s the fight of the authorities. It’s about being right and choosing not to be quite. It’s about letting someone know they are being unnecessarily strict and dominating.
It’s about living in a world where you cannot hurt someone, you shouldn’t hurt someone and at the same time you choose not to get hurt yourself.
If you are a man, you are grinding in between the world of your Mom and your wife. You have to choose sides. For every event that happens, you need to find a way that makes each party happy. You have to console each one. You have to make sure you don’t hurt any. You are under the classic dilemma of choosing the left eye or right eye. You want both of them and you want both of them together, but given the conditions of life and thought processes, they tend to go against each other in many of the life views and decisions.
You cannot spend without being considerate. You cannot do something that you have been doing all your life, because that’s not what a married man does. You have a lady who doesn’t like it.
You were having a great time at your home and now that you move to your new home, you have to make sure you lock all the doors at night. You have to check the milk is at the door early morning. You need to check if there are any to be spoiled items in the refrigerator. You were sleeping until late, when your Mom would serve your special coffee on your table beside the bed. Now you have to get up before the world is up and keep the hot coffee ready to be served.
It might seem too much to take at first and it might seem a huge task before you even start. But there is always something going on amidst all the hurdles and hustles of life. You know you have someone to look after and that someone will look after you.
It is all in your attitude to get the best of life and so with the marriage. You need to be accepting people the way they are. You must accept your mother in-law as your own mother. You must accept your daughter in-law as your own daughter. You must know life has changed with time and now is the time when women work tirelessly at job, so she might not be able to cook daily at home. You must also understand that you may have learnt to build skyscrapers but your world is your family and that family has a old lady who has worked all her life to give you the man, you consider to be the best in world. Respect her and love her for such a beautiful gift. When times are right laugh loud together and when times are tough, shred your tears together. You have her shoulder and she has yours. You both have his shoulder, who never wants to see you both cry. What is marriage afterall if not about being together.