Things they don’t tell about marriages (India)

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Butterfly on a flower

Things they don’t tell about marriages, especially in a country like India, where marriages are a big deal of time, pomp, custom and gathering. They might tell you, but you might be in a different mode of life altogether so it just slips by. Here are few things that particularly happens in a marriage setup like in India. You must read – Mutual Funds are subject to market risk, please read the document carefully before investing.

Thus is the case with marriage, you must think before making a life time commitment. Here are few glimpses :

Life is not same anymore !

Your food habits and timings, now entirely depend on a new family(if you are a girl) and you ought to arrange yourself to the lifestyle of your in-laws. You have to remember to inform your spouse about your whereabouts and missing the food at home, in case of any(if you are a boy).

In a normal arranged marriage, the girl goes to live with the boy’s family (which eventually becomes her own) which sometimes is a joint family with around 20+ members under the same roof. In such marriage, life is eventful if you look at it one way, the cheerful way. However if you are going through one such life, then you would say, at least in the first couple of years, it’s stressful, upaetting, frustrating and tiring. You might cry under a pillow some nights. It’s the fight of the authorities. It’s about being right and choosing not to be quite. It’s about letting someone know they are being unnecessarily strict and dominating.

It’s about living in a world where you cannot hurt someone, you shouldn’t hurt someone and at the same time you choose not to get hurt yourself.

If you are a man, you are grinding in between the world of your Mom and your wife. You have to choose sides. For every event that happens, you need to find a way that makes each party happy. You have to console each one. You have to make sure you don’t hurt any. You are under the classic dilemma of choosing the left eye or right eye. You want both of them and you want both of them together, but given the conditions of life and thought processes, they tend to go against each other in many of the life views and decisions.

You cannot spend without being considerate. You cannot do something that you have been doing all your life, because that’s not what a married man does. You have a lady who doesn’t like it.

You were having a great time at your home and now that you move to your new home, you have to make sure you lock all the doors at night. You have to check the milk is at the door early morning. You need to check if there are any to be spoiled items in the refrigerator. You were sleeping until late, when your Mom would serve your special coffee on your table beside the bed. Now you have to get up before the world is up and keep the hot coffee ready to be served.

It might seem too much to take at first and it might seem a huge task before you even start. But there is always something going on amidst all the hurdles and hustles of life. You know you have someone to look after and that someone will look after you.

It is all in your attitude to get the best of life and so with the marriage. You need to be accepting people the way they are. You must accept your mother in-law as your own mother. You must accept your daughter in-law as your own daughter. You must know life has changed with time and now is the time when women work tirelessly at job, so she might not be able to cook daily at home. You must also understand that you may have learnt to build skyscrapers but your world is your family and that family has a old lady who has worked all her life to give you the man, you consider to be the best in world. Respect her and love her for such a beautiful gift. When times are right laugh loud together and when times are tough, shred your tears together. You have her shoulder and she has yours. You both have his shoulder, who never wants to see you both cry. What is marriage afterall if not about being together.

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19 Years of Unconditional Love and Forever

She was a woman in lower middle class, uneducated and married at a very young age. She was a mother of 5. She had faced lot of struggles in life, but one of them is something that out stands all of them.

Her husband lost his left limbs in paralysis. He was dysfunctional. He could merely speak. She served him for 19 years incessantly in the same way. She used to work from morning till night in his care. She would make him tea early in the morning with some biscuits and repeat making tea for another 3-4 times, whenever he demanded. She used to then cook food for him and take a nap in the noon. She used to clean his shit everytime he used the loo. She used to bathe him every morning. She would help him walk around the tricky corners of the house and assist him to sit on his asana all day where he would be visited by lot of ongoers in the neighborhood. He was man spoken of being very strong in his youth and hence lot of followers.

She did this irrelevant of her feeling unwell. She never travelled to far land lest he would be alone. She never went away for her relaxation. For 19 years every single day, she was with him. She took care of him.

She never complained much about her condition, however she felt tired of the work and might weep in hours of dismay in discussions with daughters in her neighborhood. But she never ever left him. When time called, he had to leave her alone. He went on his path to heaven. World spoke of the freedom, she got after his death and how peacefully she can live there on. Little did they know what would follow.

After his death, she lost her health. She became weak and soon she was diagnosed of cancer. She followed him to heaven within a year.

Was it his love for her that kept her alive ?

Was her love for him that kept her alive ?

Was it her worry about him, what would happen of him after her, that kept her alive ?

Was her pain in love stronger than the pain in her body, that oversaw what was happening to her and kept her sustain it ?

Was it mere coincidence ?

Did he call her to after-life !

What was that made her love him unconditionally for so long ?

Was she devoted to him and was it her devotion to see her husband as a God ?

She was a woman with some virtue in my eyes.

What is she to you ?

Is Betrayal stronger than Trust !

Betrayal always comes from those
Whom we loved the most
Who knows all our secrets
Whom we think our friends – © Nimmi

Betrayal is stronger than trust !
I deny.

I have plethora of examples where trust superseded the challenges n situation. Where a person chose to get deprived of all the love n be shamed for life, to keep the trust. Only possible to (wo)man of brave heart.

That said, the above lines are applicable in most of cases and it happens mostly because of wrong choices and spike in people’s mood. It is the characteristic of the people and not you, that trust is broken. You must hence choose wisely whom to trust.

Darkness always seems to be powerful, an easy way out, but it just seems it isn’t.

Light is always silent, doesn’t mean it is speechless or it doesn’t exist.

When time comes, in the most unpredictable and unexpected moments you will see light shine and darkness walks away.

Oh by the way – Light and Darkness are hard core lovers, who chose to stay in touch, but never be together. Have you ever managed to see Light and Dark together, they just touch each other. One starts, where other ends.


Check two amazing souls write about Light/Dark – Mystic Raagash and Bhavna