I have been thinking a lot about the entire episode. Where it went wrong or did it even. Was it me or was it you?
Did I assume a lot on my front or did you just hide something you shouldn’t have !
I understood you so well and I cared for you. I was confident about your nature and my confidence made you feel happy. You got through the tough times.
Initially I took it as my purpose to get you to your dream and it did happen. I am not sure if that was how it was happened and irrespective of me or someone else, you would have nailed it.
I am not able to pin down on what exactly is bothering me.
Is it that – why did I ever think that it was going to be us ?
Is that why am I unable to settle down with a composed feeling ?
Is the point that I missed on the important fact about you having a boyfriend?
Or is it that I am trying to find a means to blame it on you for hiding it?
Or is it that I am trying to find a perfect explanation for it and I do have that but I am not able to accept it in completeness!
If we being together was for a purpose then is it still going to be ?
I need to just get it through my head and listen to my voices.
I never thought anything romantic about you. I didn’t think anything. But you sure are an amazing person. The fact that I found someone who thinks a lot like me might be a reason I got so connected and that’s well understood.
I may be then after so much speculation – worried about if it is going to persist?
Are we going to stay friends for long ?
Is your hero going to accept it ? Am I worried about the future and separation?
Is it because I have seen examples in past of separation with people whom I had great connections?
Is it because people can’t accept or events break relationships(romantic or otherwise) !!
Am I worried that I focus in the present and I continue to be with you the way I am and one day an event will shatter it down completely – either from your end or mine ?
And then what will happen of me or for that matter what will happen of you ?
I know no one has control of future, but I have been through it all and everytime I think it’s different but the result is same and I am making an attempt to deal it well. So ?
What is it exactly?
Why am I so unsettling about this..
What is that even if I have an explanation I cannot come down to a concrete thoughts?
Because I don’t have your voice on this ?
Because I feel that you feel that separation is inevitable?
Is it because currently you have a strong connection at your front and I am currently not attached anywhere ?
Or is it that we have never been in touch face to face ?
Is it the classic dilemma of being so close yet so far away that never exists?