Dowry – Social Dilemma

If we go back in time for say two decades, most marriages in India used to happen in the consent of parents and in most of the cases the girl would not get to see the boy until the day of wedding. The girl would be in her teens. Back then there were certain things a family would look for in others in terms of wealth, social status and the history of family. If all went well, the boy’s side would quote certain value for the dowry and the girls side would agree onto a certain final amount.

Fast forward time and come back to the present time. Today parents take care of their child equally well, whether it be a boy or a girl. Everyone gets educated and tries to get a job. Majority of Indians have gave up farming and everyone earns their bread by work or business. The average age of marriage has gone up by 5 years. We have come up to international platform. Now when a match making process is discussed, family looks for the background, social stature and the boy/girl education, job etc.

Things certainly seems to have improved but there are few things they have decided to stick around. Such as horoscope and dowry are certain things that come into picture in most of the communities when a marriage/match making is discussed. Certainly both of them seem irrelevant and unnecessary in this generation and the way we have shaped our life.

The people who dictate about the greatness of dowry need to understand that it does not apply to everyone and most cases today do not need dowry.

He who has gives it away, makes it difficult for he who doesn’t have and eventually the community has a hard time.

The average harmony in that community is never high, since it involves money, in turn revolves around greed, jealousy and all other dark qualities which make humans suffer.

Not every parent is in support of dowry. Over the years there have been many families and communities which have experienced deep complex problems related to money, dowry and after marriage issues related to this. Hence they have learnt the lesson a hard way. Such families and parents have decided not to support dowry in terms of taking it or giving it away. However when they come into the shoes of a parents whose daughter has been well educated and needs to be married now, they are confused. They get confused by the constant provocation and suggestions from their near and dear ones, neighbors and community heads. They wonder whether if they oppose the long held practice of dowry, will they be able get their daughter married in the community. They are worried about the classic Indian Clichy – what will the world say? (Duniya/Samajvale kya kahegi)

But if everyone thinks in this fashion, when will we see a change. And if parents don’t take a stand for their daughters, if families don’t take a stand for their child and if the girls don’t take a stand for their own life, we would still be in the same state back then two decades ago. All the fight and protest regarding the equality of females, equal opportunity and international platform everything becomes futile, since the problem rests at the core of the society. And those who have within them, those families who have made their daughters stand high in the world with education, hard work, sports they must make sure their daughters shines equally bright in marriage and in every walk of life.

It’s in the fundamental thinking as to who makes the move. Who stops thinking about the community and starts bringing a change. It is about making a mark and setting an example. There are communities where girls don’t get to study much but if a parent has made efforts to let their girl get graduate and secure a nice job, then they must certainly oppose the dowry. It should not be followed like a herd mentality. If those parents don’t oppose dowry and they give out huge sum of money since they now earn well, then they are making the biggest mistake.

Since many communities think that daughter is a ‘paraya dhan’ (someone else’s wealth) and that she must be married some day, they never let girls get good opportunities. They store all their lifes hard earned money just to give it away to some stupid family who wouldn’t even promise to take care of their girl. Whatever was being done, might be done blindly but he who has crossed the mark already and given a girl equal opportunity must not indulge in dowry as that gives a negative signal to the community.

They wonder that if getting the child is getting very expensive every year and the girl is supposed to be married with huge dowry in the future, they would instead stop her education and start accumulating all the wealth for the marriage. We will be thrown back decades. We will not be making any progress, instead we will be traveling back in time.

We need to see more examples. We need parents, families and communities thinking larger than self. We need to see girls get good educations and jobs. We need that such families oppose dowry. We can’t give up. We are here to stay for long and then why not be happy with people around us and share love and care.

Marriage is a great concept. The belief of going to someone’s life and staying together for the rest of life in good and bad times. It is a test of human emotions and qualities. Why do we need to infiltrate such wonderful aspect with stuff like dowry.

Please share your thoughts on dowry in the comment sections below.

He moved on ! Why she can’t ?

He was in love with a girl during college. She used to be in constant contact with him but she never expressed her deepest emotions for him. She always feared her family. During the final year of college, he confessed his feelings for her and asked her what she felt and what she wanted. She told him that her elder sister had once experience similar kind of love and at that time her parents didn’t agree. Her sister had to go through lot of trouble and fights. She didn’t want to repeat it. She told him it would never work.

He was sad. It was the worst phase of his life. After college he was working in a job that kept him occupied for most of time. He was broken at heart. He couldn’t forget her. He took to literature and arts. He started reading a lot of books and novels. He started blogging and interacting with lot of new people. He was enjoying the drift in his life and everything seemed to be in good shape.

Meanwhile the girl lost her father, who was suffering from cancer and she was going through tough times. He met her at the funeral and took part in all the ceremonies. He was a moral support to her.

Few months after the incident, she spoke to her mother about him and that she liked him since college. Her mother considered him to be a good guy and she gave her permission if they both were going on well.

He was working in a different city now. He did not have any more romantic feelings for her. He cared for and wished good for her but deep down in his heart he knew he didn’t have any feelings for her. He told her about it, however she wanted to be with him as long as it can be. They were in touch over calls and chat. They met once in a while.

He wanted her to forget him and continue to move on in her life and let him continue to be the way he was. There was no place for her in his Heart as a love partner.

He had one question for her !

Why can’t she move on?

Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Beaches to visit in Pondicherry

Blue Sky and the Blue sea
Fisherman make his way swiftly through the waves.
Serenity Beach – Pondicherry
Clean Milky Water Beach Shore
The Tortoise Eye View of Beach
East Coast Sunrise at Rock Beach – Pondicherry
Dawn at Rock Beach
French Coffee at the French Town – Pondicherry
The splashes keeping on growing !

Beaches to visit in Pondicherry :

  • Serenity Beach
  • Auroville Beach
  • Rock Beach
  • Paradise Beach
  • Veerampattinam Beach