Why marriages are difficult

He : Hi, where are you?
She : I am at my parents home.
He : What happened ? Why you went there ?
She : I am fed up now. I cannot take it any more. I am going to be at my parents place for a while. I will come back later.

This is a small conversation between a recently married couple. It’s been 6 months since their marriage and situation is getting bitter every day for the girl.

Here is some background.

Boy

He is studious, dedicated and oriented towards life. He has never been involved with girls. He was raised almost as a single child as his elder sister was married, when he was very young. He got job and got married when he was 28. When he was looking for a girl in arrange marriage, he was also looking for that spark and hope in girl who would be jovial and happy going in life. He got one and he got married to her. She was 22.

Girl

She has been brought up her parents very lovingly and caringly as all parents do. They would never say anything to her. She completed her graduation and was pursuing bachelors in law. She found the guy to be decent and educated, with some content. She had hope that things would be beautiful ahead. She was very caring and aligned to his husband’s wishes.

Boy’s Mother

She is timid. She is the usual 1960’s parents for whom the child is always child, even if they have a kids. She would always instruct him to study, even when he was doing his Master’s in Technology. He was a lecturer in college, yet for her he was yet to grow. He never lived out of his city, neither did his parents. Their whole life has been in the same city and around similar people

Together

When they all were living together, the mother as usual would try to instruct them in every little thing in life from food, habits, sleep, cleanliness, timings, events, traditions, rituals and so on. She wants to care for them, but it feels like a bondage. The girl, cooks for them and tries to nurture, but when she gets to hear something from her in laws she feels sad. This goes on. The guy tries to console her, explain her and make her understand. Sometimes she understands, sometimes she feels just sad. Slowly she doesn’t tell him much.

Sometimes things get heated up and the argument goes haywire. All this was creating bitterness in her and she continued to feel upset. Hence she left to take a break. She went to her parents, where she felt alive and free.

What went wrong!

This is usual in middle-class families in India. This happens because the framework of life is different for 2 families. Their habits, attitude and outlook are different. The framework of mother was completely orthodox and living in a different age with different mindset then the present age. He wanted a progressive life and he wanted to live a modern lifestyle with open mindset, so he chose such a girl. But he couldn’t balance it. Because human heart is fragile and far more so is the woman’s heart.

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She wants him, but does he ?

She calls her friend to tell about the recent on/offs in her life. She has been talking to a guy lately and she likes him a lot. They met at a matrimonial site and happen to visit at a meeting with parents. It all went fine but the guys mother didn’t like the girl. So they decided to call it off. However for whatever reason, the boy was in touch with her and they happened to have lot of talks. They met few times.

He had spoken to his mother a lot of times, however she never agreed. She didn’t like the looks of the girl. For quite some times things were grey and eventually their discussions were cut short. They were not talking anymore. The girl was sad and confused. She wanted him. She liked him very much but his Mom was never to approve.

She was looking for other guys on her parents orders but she never liked any. She was always looking for him in every guy she met. As she was not talking to him much, it made her sad and weak. She knew it was not working and there was nothing that made her feel hopeful. She decided to tone down her emotions for him. She started to go along in her life and think less about him. She decided to move on or make an attempt to move on.

And then after few weeks, he calls her and they talk. Every time she talks with him, she knows that she is the weak one. She wants him in her life. He made her feel special. He told her that he was making an attempt to convince his mother and meanwhile if she found someone else, she was free to choose so.

The only question that kept her awake all night was –

Should she wait for him or stick to her decision of moving on and forgetting him from her life?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

He moved on ! Why she can’t ?

He was in love with a girl during college. She used to be in constant contact with him but she never expressed her deepest emotions for him. She always feared her family. During the final year of college, he confessed his feelings for her and asked her what she felt and what she wanted. She told him that her elder sister had once experience similar kind of love and at that time her parents didn’t agree. Her sister had to go through lot of trouble and fights. She didn’t want to repeat it. She told him it would never work.

He was sad. It was the worst phase of his life. After college he was working in a job that kept him occupied for most of time. He was broken at heart. He couldn’t forget her. He took to literature and arts. He started reading a lot of books and novels. He started blogging and interacting with lot of new people. He was enjoying the drift in his life and everything seemed to be in good shape.

Meanwhile the girl lost her father, who was suffering from cancer and she was going through tough times. He met her at the funeral and took part in all the ceremonies. He was a moral support to her.

Few months after the incident, she spoke to her mother about him and that she liked him since college. Her mother considered him to be a good guy and she gave her permission if they both were going on well.

He was working in a different city now. He did not have any more romantic feelings for her. He cared for and wished good for her but deep down in his heart he knew he didn’t have any feelings for her. He told her about it, however she wanted to be with him as long as it can be. They were in touch over calls and chat. They met once in a while.

He wanted her to forget him and continue to move on in her life and let him continue to be the way he was. There was no place for her in his Heart as a love partner.

He had one question for her !

Why can’t she move on?

Please share your thoughts in the comments!