Dowry – Social Dilemma

If we go back in time for say two decades, most marriages in India used to happen in the consent of parents and in most of the cases the girl would not get to see the boy until the day of wedding. The girl would be in her teens. Back then there were certain things a family would look for in others in terms of wealth, social status and the history of family. If all went well, the boy’s side would quote certain value for the dowry and the girls side would agree onto a certain final amount.

Fast forward time and come back to the present time. Today parents take care of their child equally well, whether it be a boy or a girl. Everyone gets educated and tries to get a job. Majority of Indians have gave up farming and everyone earns their bread by work or business. The average age of marriage has gone up by 5 years. We have come up to international platform. Now when a match making process is discussed, family looks for the background, social stature and the boy/girl education, job etc.

Things certainly seems to have improved but there are few things they have decided to stick around. Such as horoscope and dowry are certain things that come into picture in most of the communities when a marriage/match making is discussed. Certainly both of them seem irrelevant and unnecessary in this generation and the way we have shaped our life.

The people who dictate about the greatness of dowry need to understand that it does not apply to everyone and most cases today do not need dowry.

He who has gives it away, makes it difficult for he who doesn’t have and eventually the community has a hard time.

The average harmony in that community is never high, since it involves money, in turn revolves around greed, jealousy and all other dark qualities which make humans suffer.

Not every parent is in support of dowry. Over the years there have been many families and communities which have experienced deep complex problems related to money, dowry and after marriage issues related to this. Hence they have learnt the lesson a hard way. Such families and parents have decided not to support dowry in terms of taking it or giving it away. However when they come into the shoes of a parents whose daughter has been well educated and needs to be married now, they are confused. They get confused by the constant provocation and suggestions from their near and dear ones, neighbors and community heads. They wonder whether if they oppose the long held practice of dowry, will they be able get their daughter married in the community. They are worried about the classic Indian Clichy – what will the world say? (Duniya/Samajvale kya kahegi)

But if everyone thinks in this fashion, when will we see a change. And if parents don’t take a stand for their daughters, if families don’t take a stand for their child and if the girls don’t take a stand for their own life, we would still be in the same state back then two decades ago. All the fight and protest regarding the equality of females, equal opportunity and international platform everything becomes futile, since the problem rests at the core of the society. And those who have within them, those families who have made their daughters stand high in the world with education, hard work, sports they must make sure their daughters shines equally bright in marriage and in every walk of life.

It’s in the fundamental thinking as to who makes the move. Who stops thinking about the community and starts bringing a change. It is about making a mark and setting an example. There are communities where girls don’t get to study much but if a parent has made efforts to let their girl get graduate and secure a nice job, then they must certainly oppose the dowry. It should not be followed like a herd mentality. If those parents don’t oppose dowry and they give out huge sum of money since they now earn well, then they are making the biggest mistake.

Since many communities think that daughter is a ‘paraya dhan’ (someone else’s wealth) and that she must be married some day, they never let girls get good opportunities. They store all their lifes hard earned money just to give it away to some stupid family who wouldn’t even promise to take care of their girl. Whatever was being done, might be done blindly but he who has crossed the mark already and given a girl equal opportunity must not indulge in dowry as that gives a negative signal to the community.

They wonder that if getting the child is getting very expensive every year and the girl is supposed to be married with huge dowry in the future, they would instead stop her education and start accumulating all the wealth for the marriage. We will be thrown back decades. We will not be making any progress, instead we will be traveling back in time.

We need to see more examples. We need parents, families and communities thinking larger than self. We need to see girls get good educations and jobs. We need that such families oppose dowry. We can’t give up. We are here to stay for long and then why not be happy with people around us and share love and care.

Marriage is a great concept. The belief of going to someone’s life and staying together for the rest of life in good and bad times. It is a test of human emotions and qualities. Why do we need to infiltrate such wonderful aspect with stuff like dowry.

Please share your thoughts on dowry in the comment sections below.

Every body lives by a Logic, the question is if it is Valid

Is your logic that you live by a valid one ?

Whether it is about the little things in daily life or the biggest steps we take in life, we live by a motto or by a logic ! But did you ever question if that is correct.

  • getting choosing a college or getting a job
  • Living in a city or out of country
  • Falling in love or breaking up with someone
  • Choosing your food preferences or denying something to eat
  • Finding a life partner or applying for a divorce
  • buying a home or buying a car

You can also apply this about all the things you read about on web and the news you see. Here is a sample !

imageThis is a post on Arms License being denied based on religious discrimination in UP. Do you feel think if the logic is valid ?

Here is how the reasoning should be  !

Irrelevant of the number of Muslims in a locality, the above logic is not valid to determine if there was any discrimination. The question to be asked is ≈Q1≈ how many applications were made in a year, from various religions & how many were sanctioned ?

≈Q2≈ What was the percentage (%) of rejection across religions, if at all that person feels there was any discrimination. Then based on the difference in percentage of rejection, the next question that needs to be asked is ≈Q3≈ Out of all the rejections in a year, what are the various reasons for rejection and how many rejections are made for each kind ?

Based on that the next logical question and the determining factor is ≈Q4≈ out of the difference in percentage of rejection are there rejections based on same criteria which led to rejection in a certain group higher than other. After sorting those, you would need to improvise the percentage of distinct rejections based on the number of applications done.

If you still find feel there is something fishy, you would need to see is ≈Q5≈ if there is any exclusive rejection applied to a certain group that has not been applied to the other one.

You see I can go on like this, but now I hope you understand what I am trying to project here. There is some statement and there is a logic, but it is not validated.

Don’t get carried away by the statements, statistics and news brought forward to you by media or social media. Before you forward any news or links, think if you consider that to be truth. What is the authenticity of the proclamation and whatever the logic is applied, if it is valid. Ask some questions.