Why marriages are difficult

He : Hi, where are you?
She : I am at my parents home.
He : What happened ? Why you went there ?
She : I am fed up now. I cannot take it any more. I am going to be at my parents place for a while. I will come back later.

This is a small conversation between a recently married couple. It’s been 6 months since their marriage and situation is getting bitter every day for the girl.

Here is some background.

Boy

He is studious, dedicated and oriented towards life. He has never been involved with girls. He was raised almost as a single child as his elder sister was married, when he was very young. He got job and got married when he was 28. When he was looking for a girl in arrange marriage, he was also looking for that spark and hope in girl who would be jovial and happy going in life. He got one and he got married to her. She was 22.

Girl

She has been brought up her parents very lovingly and caringly as all parents do. They would never say anything to her. She completed her graduation and was pursuing bachelors in law. She found the guy to be decent and educated, with some content. She had hope that things would be beautiful ahead. She was very caring and aligned to his husband’s wishes.

Boy’s Mother

She is timid. She is the usual 1960’s parents for whom the child is always child, even if they have a kids. She would always instruct him to study, even when he was doing his Master’s in Technology. He was a lecturer in college, yet for her he was yet to grow. He never lived out of his city, neither did his parents. Their whole life has been in the same city and around similar people

Together

When they all were living together, the mother as usual would try to instruct them in every little thing in life from food, habits, sleep, cleanliness, timings, events, traditions, rituals and so on. She wants to care for them, but it feels like a bondage. The girl, cooks for them and tries to nurture, but when she gets to hear something from her in laws she feels sad. This goes on. The guy tries to console her, explain her and make her understand. Sometimes she understands, sometimes she feels just sad. Slowly she doesn’t tell him much.

Sometimes things get heated up and the argument goes haywire. All this was creating bitterness in her and she continued to feel upset. Hence she left to take a break. She went to her parents, where she felt alive and free.

What went wrong!

This is usual in middle-class families in India. This happens because the framework of life is different for 2 families. Their habits, attitude and outlook are different. The framework of mother was completely orthodox and living in a different age with different mindset then the present age. He wanted a progressive life and he wanted to live a modern lifestyle with open mindset, so he chose such a girl. But he couldn’t balance it. Because human heart is fragile and far more so is the woman’s heart.

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Every body lives by a Logic, the question is if it is Valid

Is your logic that you live by a valid one ?

Whether it is about the little things in daily life or the biggest steps we take in life, we live by a motto or by a logic ! But did you ever question if that is correct.

  • getting choosing a college or getting a job
  • Living in a city or out of country
  • Falling in love or breaking up with someone
  • Choosing your food preferences or denying something to eat
  • Finding a life partner or applying for a divorce
  • buying a home or buying a car

You can also apply this about all the things you read about on web and the news you see. Here is a sample !

imageThis is a post on Arms License being denied based on religious discrimination in UP. Do you feel think if the logic is valid ?

Here is how the reasoning should be  !

Irrelevant of the number of Muslims in a locality, the above logic is not valid to determine if there was any discrimination. The question to be asked is ≈Q1≈ how many applications were made in a year, from various religions & how many were sanctioned ?

≈Q2≈ What was the percentage (%) of rejection across religions, if at all that person feels there was any discrimination. Then based on the difference in percentage of rejection, the next question that needs to be asked is ≈Q3≈ Out of all the rejections in a year, what are the various reasons for rejection and how many rejections are made for each kind ?

Based on that the next logical question and the determining factor is ≈Q4≈ out of the difference in percentage of rejection are there rejections based on same criteria which led to rejection in a certain group higher than other. After sorting those, you would need to improvise the percentage of distinct rejections based on the number of applications done.

If you still find feel there is something fishy, you would need to see is ≈Q5≈ if there is any exclusive rejection applied to a certain group that has not been applied to the other one.

You see I can go on like this, but now I hope you understand what I am trying to project here. There is some statement and there is a logic, but it is not validated.

Don’t get carried away by the statements, statistics and news brought forward to you by media or social media. Before you forward any news or links, think if you consider that to be truth. What is the authenticity of the proclamation and whatever the logic is applied, if it is valid. Ask some questions.

Mahavir Jayanti

Mahavir Jayanti is celebrated as the birthday of Mahavir on Chaitrya Sud Triyodashi, which is falling on 19-20 April this year 2016. Mahavir is consider to be founder or proposer of modern day Jainism. I have provided a brief glimpse into the wide aspects of Jainism below.

Jainism is one of the oldest religions known today and its origins lie in India. Theologians often classify Jainism as a philosophy, a way of living life, rather than a religion.

Jainism is a non-theistic religion. There is no concept of God or spiritual beings. There’s no one to create, maintain or destroy the universe. The only thing which maintains the universe is, the universe itself. No one is superior to the laws of the universe. Jains believe that there were 24 great teachers, the first one named Rishabh Dev ji and the last of whom was Lord Mahavir who lived during 6th century B.C. Mahavir is regarded as the man who gave Jainism its present-day form. These twenty-four teachers are called Tirthankars– people who had attained all knowledge while living (Moksh) and preached it to the people. The Tirthankars were all humans once, they did some good deeds and were eligible for being a Thirthankar in next incarnation. Jinas are believed to reside in the top level of heaven, above the realm of the gods. Accordingly, liberated souls are revered more than the gods.

Jains believe in reincarnation and seek to attain ultimate liberation – which means escaping the continuous cycle of birth, death and rebirth. The ultimate goal is to get rid of one’s karma on their soul so that they may end this cycle. Once this goal is reached their soul has attained all knowledge and it rests in the heavens forever (Nirvana). This is similar to the preachings of Buddhism, but the principle and path to achieve Nirvana are slightly different. It is a matter of lot of speculations between the historians to find, if any connection between Buddha and Mahavira.

The way to get rid of one’s karma is to follow certain rules of doing good somewhat similar to the ten commandments in Christianity or the eight-fold path in Buddhism.

These include the principles of:

  • Ahimsa – To protect all life (non-violence)
  • Satya – To speak truth
  • Asteya – To not steal
  • Brahmacharya – To not commit adultery
  • Aparigraha – To limit one’s possessions

Jains uphold these principles by practicing vegetarianism, non-violence in thought, deed, and action.

The three guiding principles of Jainism, the ‘three jewels’, are right belief, right knowledge and right conduct.

In present day India, large group of Jains can be found in States of Rajasthan, Gujarat and Madhya Pradesh. The two prominent pilgrim centres for Jains are Sikharji located in Jharkhand and Palitana in Gujarat. Both the pilgrim centres are located on hill stations and they take the test of Pilgrims.

Jain culture is divided into 2 sects:

  • Shwetambar : Shwet (White) + Ambar (Clothes)
  • Digambar: Dig (Sky) +Ambar (Clothes).

Both the sects have their own monks and nuns. Monks of Shwetambar sect wear white clothes with little to no stitches and Digambar monks live completely naked. This is because Digambars believe that one can only lead the life of a true monk by having no worldly possessions and by demonstrating indifference to earthly emotions such as shame. They consider themselves clothed by directions. Nuns of both the sects are white clothed.

Paryushan is another important festivals for Jain apart from Mahavir Jayanti. Read more about Paryushan here.


This post is a part of series in Discovering the Cultural Significance of various rituals and festivals in India.